When we were in Vegas a month ago we were sitting through a time share presentation (to earn free tickets) and one of the things that they kept pounding home over and over and over again was how all our good memories we remember as kids are traveling. Disney World, beach vacations, amusement parks etc. The speaker had us all raise our hand if we remembered our vacations as a child whether is was disney land or a cruise. Everyone raised their hand. Then she has us raise our hand if we all remember what we got for christmas every year. I raised my hand, I was the only one. But since we got usually one gift for xmas every year and it was usually something I'd waited a year for, I remember. I got my strawberry shortcake house one year, my doll (Baby Dear) one year, My Barbie (Peaches N Cream) one year and so on. I even remember the year my dad accidentally burned my xmas gift with the garbage. Thats not the point here though, that was a side note on how much you appreciate a gift when you only get one and you've actually had to wait a while for it. Not like the instant gratification and overwhelming of gifts we treat our kids to nowadays.
Anyway, she was such a powerful and persuasive speaker that she had everyone convinced that the best family memories are those spent on vacations and at sea world and that everything else just disappears. I wanted to stand up and say "raise your hand if even though you didn't have a lot of fancy vacations, you still had the best stinking childhood ever." I wanted very badly to set her straight on this but didn't want to embarrass Frank, my blinger. So I kept quiet. But it bothered me.
I grew up poor. Very poor. But I grew up very very happy with literally an idyllic childhood. How can I say this? I did not have designer clothes, a lot of toys, I had never seen the ocean, never been to anything remotely Disney, did not have a TV or computer or even my own phone in my room. I had never been in a plane, a ship, a taxi or even a subway. (Thankfully I now have plane AND taxi crossed off that list). I had very few friends as we were so remote, and I was pretty much out of touch with the world around me due to lack of television or anything but occasionally the paper.
I can say this because I lived with happy, healthy, parents who loved us all very much and we never ever went without any of the basic necessities. And we always had each other, we laughed and played all the time, we spent our evenings playing family games or wrestling with dad, instead of plugged into the latest video game or television show. We worked outside helping with the farm and came in tired and happy. We cooked, baked, drove tractor, hauled hay, cleaned barns, bottle fed hundreds of a baby lambs over the years, watched dad deliver baby calfs using pulleys, rode in the tractor for hours and hours talking our dads ear off, (looking back and knowing my dad, this had to have drove him crazy, the endless chatter, but he never complained) cut beans, shelled peas, and shucked corn until we thought we would die. For real. Despite my best attempts to hide outside my mother taught me how to bake pie, can all sorts of vegetables, sew my own clothes, cook anything, make homemade bread, garden, clean, and watch my little siblings so she could work in the field.
We were a family that spent all our time together, and we made long lasting happy memories on that little farm in the middle of nowhere. Because we were together. And my parents loved each other, and us. And they spent oodles of time with us, teaching us and playing with us and praying with us. And we didn't take those fancy trips but I can't imagine being anywhere but on my farm. Farms have so much to offer anyway in the form of entertainment. In fact when lambing time came around it was everything my parents could do to get us on the bus in the morning, we were so afraid we we're going to miss out. And my dad was the bus driver and so everyday before lambing actually started but when it was getting close, we would run from school to the bus and breathlessly ask "were there any lambs born today" Everyday. My dad must have been so relieved when he could finally say yes. And then I would be beside myself with excitment until we could get home. My parents pretty much crossed off ever seeing me in the house during lambing time. I think they were okay with this. I even begged to sleep out there at night. Besides raising bum lambs andy having litters of puppies and kitties my next form of entertainment was horses.
From the time I was old enough to walk, I started begging my dad for a horse of my own. We always had a variety of horses around the farm, we used to have this old draft, workhorse named Jack. He was HUGE, but gentle and incredibly beautiful. I can remember my dad getting on this huge horse and riding him. I have a very distinct memory of Jack thundering across the pasture toward us with dad on his back and it was incredible. There is nothing more powerful and moving as a giant draft horse running. In fact, as my husband knows, its one of the things that without fail moves me too tears. I still can't watch horse racing because I start crying. Its really weird. I think its because of the memories it brings. I will get to that later. So anyway, I fell in love with horses from a young age but I apparently needed my very own horse. We used to take rides on Flash while dad rode Jack, but Flash was so named because he was 'gone in a flash' and he scared the pants off me. So I fussed and begged for my own horse on and off for a very long time.
And then one day I got home from school and my dad took me outside to show me something. He unloads this beautiful white horse and tells me "I bought you a horse today." I just have to say that that is still one of the best memories of my entire life. I had never wanted anything as badly as I wanted that horse but I knew we could never afford a 'broke' horse. We always bought the wild, green broke ones for way cheaper and then just finished their training ourself. I can remember every detail of that day, even down to what I was wearing. (and i have a usually horrid memory) I walked around in a haze for days. I dreamed and planned about that horse for so long.
So we saddle him up as dad tells me a little about him. His name was Brumby which means wild horse. Brumby had been born and grew up in the badlands of North Dakota and was a wild mustang. He was eventually captured, broke to ride, and then was used on a ranch in Medora, ND for many years. They used him to chase and catch all the other mustang in the badlands as he was one of the only horses that could keep up. I find it interesting to note that they had to use mustangs to catch mustangs. Quarter horses were not used to that kind of rough, rocky, hilly, brushy terrain and were MOST assuredly not bred to run the long long distances of these mustangs. Go mustangs.
Because of the grueling, high paced work of his job he was eventually retired from that and used as a trail horse. They realized right off the bat that he was never going to make a trail horse, he was still way to spunky, hated not being in the lead and you had to really hold him in all the time. So thats when my dad managed to whisk him up. So he was by no means old but he was old enough that some of the vinegar had worn off. However, the first time my dad put me on him, Brumby spooked (new place) and I fell off. Brumby had a LOT of spunk. Whenever I rode him, I would have to really hold him in. In fact, all I had to do to get Brumby to run was just ease up on the bit a little and he would be off. But he was a good horse in everyway. He responded to all my commands, he did not toss his head, buck, (regularly) rear or any of the other things our other horses were known for. I know my dad spent way more than he typically would to spring for this horse. Maybe he realized that either way I was going to be riding horses so he might has well get me a safer one.
But anyway after falling off him the first day and first time I rode him, I got very scared again. (remember the timid little girl who liked playing with dolls) So I decided I was going to just lead him and get to know him for a few weeks before I was going to ride him again. Nope. That was not my dads plan. I have no idea how he managed to get me back on that horse who I decided I was very scared off, but he did and I took off with Brumby. (thats a lesson it itself but we will save it for some other time) By the time I came back from that little ride, Brumby and I had cemented a friendship and bond that lasted many many years and many many many miles. He was the perfect horse for me in everyway. After I got used to him and his spunky ways I realized how happy I was that I never had to kick him to get him to go. I would ride with countless people on what I called 'lazy horses' who they had to kick to get going. And then the horse would try to slow down and slack off all the time which meant that they had to start using spurs or keep kicking them all the time. And since we LOVED to run a our horses and even more to race them, this would not have worked out.
My older brother had this incredible, blue roan quarter horse mare. And man could that mare run. So we would go all the way to the end of a huge summer fallow field and then we would race. If it was a shorter field Blue would kick our butt every time. But if it was pretty long field, (there was some crazy crazy huge fields out there) we would win. Blue had the speed and Brumby had the stamina. (my brother has since informed me after reading this post, that we never ever beat Blue. He's probably right but I like to think we won at least one race) And we never ever had to kick either of those horses to send them into a full out run. In fact, we had to work pretty hard to get them to stop. They loved the races as much as we did. Now days I watch people ride horse and they do these gentle little lopes around their arenas, maybe go on a few gallops around the paddock but I NEVER see anyone riding horse on an all out run anymore. I wonder if they ever get to experience the incredible rush that comes with it. When your horse is in an all out run you barley even move in the saddle. They stretch their neck out long and low, and you lean way over their neck and you experience a thrill like you will never experience anywhere else. I have still never found anything else to compare are to it. We became so addicted to running like this that our horses became pretty high strung while riding (they were addicted too) and so we had to be pretty careful letting other people ride them. We found out not everyone else likes to ride horse this way.
Man did we take wrecks though. One of my horses reared over on my brother (he didn't like Bryce, never did) and broke his leg, we both had numerous head injuries, Bryce has a hoof imprint in his thigh to this day from being run over by one, we got kicked, bit, trampled, bucked off, reared off and pert near anything you can think of. And we loved very minute of it. Other kids were skiing with their parents in the Alps and we were racing ranch horses all over the fields of North Dakota. I wouldn't have traded it for all the Disney land trips in the world.
Once I had my own job I decided I needed another horse. I have no idea why. Brumby was more than enough for me in everyday but he wasn't a flashy looking horse so maybe thats why. One day my dad sent me to the auction barn with Aaron, (a good friend) and we were supposed to sell Poco, one of our horses that was a so called knot head. We sold Poco but came home with another horse. My poor daddy, none of us including myself, had an idea that I would be buying a horse that day. But I fell in love with this little sorrel gelding with 4 white stockings and man was he flashy. So beautiful with the tossing head and so much spunk. That was one of the first times that my heart led over my head and I ended up getting in way OVER my head. This cowboy ended up selling him to me in the back pens before he was even auctioned off. And poor Aaron, he also realized he was in way over his head when he couldn't talk me out of this little horse.
But I figured it was my money and for some reason i just HAD to have that horse. I can't imagine what went on in my dads head when I brought another horse home in the trailer. I'm pretty sure he assumed I was bringing an empty trailer home from the auction that day. Oops. It ended up being a wee bit of a lesson for me because although that horse was about as pretty as they come, he was also about as wild and devilish as they come. But man was he fast, he could beat any horse we had like they were standing still. It was pretty fun for me as he was so flashy looking AND fast. (i guarantee ya I beat you then Bryce!) I even saw a career in barrel racing in my future. My dad realized real fast thought that this horse was likely going to kill me.
Lets just say that after giving him several weeks and he was still trying to pretty much kill me and everyone else, (even my dad couldn't work with him) my dad loaded him up in the trailer, tracked down the sneaky fella that sold him to me, and we drove 2 hours to that cowboys house. He left me in the truck while he took that fella into his house and they had a good talk. My dad knew full well that that cowboy has suckered a naive little farm girl into buying this crazy devil horse and I'm pretty sure my dad wasn't happy about it. I don't know what all went on in that house, my dad is by nature a VERY quiet and rather soft spoken man, so I can't imagine that it was too bad. But we did leave without the horse. I don't know if we left with the money back. I'll have to ask my dad about it sometime. The whole episode was embarrassing for me and taught me more than a few lessons. And I was never sent to the auction barn unsupervised again.
My husband now has to deal with this same issue in me, like I mentioned before he has come home to variety of animals that he had no idea I was going to buy. (Im pretty sure in the near future he's going to come home to some baby doll sheep) This includes ponies, goats, dogs, cats, and bunnies. I'm pretty sure my dad is just secretly chuckling to himself all day, every day that he was able to pass me off on poor unsuspecting little Rye with the heart of gold.
One thing about that crazy horse though is that he sure made me appreciate Brumby more. Although Brumby was never going to win any awards in the looks department, and was pretty scruffy looking at best, he was still the best horse Ive ever had. And that beautiful dapper flashy little sorrel was by far the worst horse Ive ever been around. My dad took one look at him and could tell he'd actually been beaten before. He had a milky eye that comes from being hit. Goes to show it really doesn't matter whats on the outside, it really is the inside that matters, even when it comes to horses. I still let me heart lead over my head all the time but it usually works out better than this.
I had such a bond with Brumby that I hauled him all over with me once I left home, he came to college with me and I tried to get my dad to haul him and Shiem (my other horse) to Denver for me.(he did haul them to Minneapolis) He didn't bite on that one but I find it funny that although my dad doesn't know this yet, I am going to try to rope him into hauling some goats over to me from Billings on one of his trips to ND in the semi. I think he will personally LOVE having several baby goats in the sleeper of his cab baaing their brains out in his ear. Theres not much my Dad won't do for his little girl though and I really exploit this.(shame on me) I will also have to get my brother on board as its his truck. I'm pretty sure he will be okay with goat poop and urine in the sleeper of his truck, he is a farm boy after all.
Later after dad and mom sold the farm, I talked my husband into going out there and getting my horses and he brought them here to MT for me. I hung on to him for few years but I was busy popping out kids like puppies and ended up getting too busy raising babies to ride him much. So I gave him to Angels With Wings to retire him but they went bust and I could never track him down again despite numerous attempts. Its another regret I have, that horse was such a huge part of my life and very important to me and I just gave him away. He deserved better. But we had no land, no money and no resources to take care of him anymore. He was so old by the time I brought him here though, and the Angels program was to help retire out the old horses. But I just hope and hope he ended his days in some green pasture somewhere. He was amazing.
Anyway, I really got sidetracked here with horses. I could write about them all day, much to the boredom of everyone. So money and trips are not what make good memories. I could pick a million amazing memories out of my hat at any time and they would involve something related to being on a farm as a family. Just the comfort of cooking with my mom on a cold snowy night and dad and the boys coming in from chores, and sitting down to eat a large home cooked meal with food we put up ourselves, and laughing, sharing and visiting. The small, common little moments that make up our life. Thats where the memories happen. Not when you sitting in a terminal somewhere with 4 screaming kids who are overwhelmed, over tired and just want to go home.
I finally had the opportunity to go to Disney Land a few years back. We had made a trip down to AZ to see my father in law after he was in a bad wreck in the desert. On the way back we went through CA and took our 3 girls to Disney Land. I rate it as very very low on the enjoyment scale. First off I must have had Disney land really built up in my head when I was a girl, because I was so surprised right off the bat that there wasn't even a real castle! I mean the Excaliber hotel in Vegas could show Disney Land a thing or 2. And then the parking and the people. ugh. It was hot, and we had to wait in line for an average of 45 minutes for each ride we took the girls on. The princesses were so gaudy and made up and fakey that I wanted to throw all my own childhood disney princess dreams right into the trash. The girls cried and were so bored and restless in the lines and hungry and hot that we would end up just not even doing the rides anymore. So we sat and people watched, and man is there people. Those of you who know me, know I can NOT stand crowds. I can't even got to our county fair anymore because of the crowds. I just show up for the rodeo now and let my MILK deal with hauling the kids around it. She loves crowds.
We had bought a 3 day pass and on the last day we were SO OVER disney land that we asked the girls if they wanted to go back to Disney Land or head on home. They all 3 chose to go home. Thats how fun DL was for us. I will never be going back there. Thats the fun memories? Standing in lines that are over an hour long to go on a 4 minute ride with the fakiest tinker bell I've ever seen? With hungry, tired, sweaty hot kids who just want to go home? Even the kids could see right through the princess outfits. The first thing Sage said to me after waiting almost 2 hours to go through the meet the princess line, was "Those weren't the REAL princesses were they mommy?" And the crowds of people pressed on every side so bad you can't even breathe let alone see.
I guess its just that country bumpkiness coming out in me, but I need some space, some clean air, no traffic and a swing. We have more fun swinging in our backyard all summer long with the goats playing and the bunnies hopping than we ever did going through the "its a small world after all ride." Sometime its just the simple life and the simple things in life that bring the most enjoyment. I would rather have my husband give me a big old push on the old mother willow swing in the backyard then ever go on any disney ride ever again. I'm happy that my girls can see past the fakiness and shallowness of the disney land facade and enjoy the real things in life. Sure saves me a lot of money. ;-)
I always start off a family trip with the best intentions. We are going have so much fun, and its going to be idyllic and amazing. Usually after umpteen hours in a mini van with 4 fighting or crying children, I am ready for a vacation after the vacation. Then we get to a motel and have to swim (my least favorite thing in the whole world to do) and then our kids plug into the TV all night long and we are submitted to the torture of watching Dora go through the woods and over the bridge all night long. No way am I going to change the station or they might see the Trojan ad again and ask about that. Or they might see their little friend Hannah Montana swinging on wrecking ball. So we watch Dora all night long, occasionally her cousin Diego jumps in and helps out so thats a nice change for Rye and I. The we got to sleep on a hard bed, with low thread count sheets (yes i am a diva) and awful pillows under covers that who knows who, has done who knows what on. Then we wake up groggy from bad sleep and go have some cold rubbery eggs from the continental breakfast that looks way better in pictures.And we miss our fresh eggs back home. And guess what?! We PAID for this torture. A LOT of money.
Then we have to eat out all the time on trips which means you have 4 kids in a eatery which likely will charge about $7 for a kids meal, and after $60 you walk out of there and realize you just PAID for the torture of trying to keep 4 kids sitting quietly in a public place for over an hour after they've been cooped up in a mini van for 10 hours. They just want to go home and jump on their trampoline at this point. We spend our whole vacations herding children around like cattle, trying to keep them quiet and sitting still, all while breaking the bank. I usually come back from family vacations exhausted, worn out and craving sleep in a nice bed without Dora screaming in my ear.
But we think we need to take these trips to build the memories. Nah, the best memories are built at home in the comfort and happiness of our little house. Where we share and talk and laugh to our hearts content. Where we eat together, pray together, laugh together, live together and love together. Because its really all about together.
A little lesson in this is last night Rye got word that a friend of his that he worked with in ND had shot himself. He was telling me how he was always a happy, funny kid who everyone really enjoyed and you would never suspect it. But Rye spent over 8 months over there and learned a lot in that time. He had to go to ND and work because we literally did not have enough money to put food on the table at that point so we were just left in the position that we had too. But MOST of the guys he worked with over there were not there because of that. Most of them were coming there to chase the dream of money. They weren't making enough back home or they were unhappy with their life there, or somehow the money in ND was the elusive dream. We all think that we need more money to be happy.
And yet he said it was the most lonely, sad life you can imagine. He lived in man camp with these men. They have nothing to look forward to but drinking and doing dumb stuff with their buddies. Man camps are a lonely sad place with very little warmth or happiness in them at all. He endured it as long as he could before he came back . He told me I would rather get by here without a lot of things, with you, than continue to live in ND and afford more 'things' but not be able to be with my family. And I don't know if its because of those 8 months last winter that we spent apart or what, but I would rather be barely scraping a living with him here at home with us, because it is without a doubt a living worth scraping. Why? Because we are together, and we are happy. I love being a mother, I love being a wife, and I love my life.
Sometimes I don't even know why. We never have money, we never take trips, we have awful vehicles, we don't have toys like boats or ATVS or campers or bikes, but we have each other. And in the end thats all that really matters. My kids won't remember that the windows on their van weren't automatic, or that they didn't get to go to Disney Land every 2 years, but they will remember that this house was full of love and happiness. And devices are not going to raise my kids, we will hopefully never own a xbox (and whatever the other one is) we will never have cable TV (where I will have to explain what Trojan ads are to my kids), we will spend our time together. Reading, playing games, talking and spending that precious time together with these kids that we will never get back. And we will never get to redo this raising of kids so I want to try and get it right on the first time.
Im already feeling the pinch of time as I look at my youngest possibly starting school this fall. Its hard to let go, its hard to see them growing up and changing and making their way in the world. But I can be here for them every step of the way and I can teach them by example to enjoy every minute along the way. I get more enjoyment out of my garden, my goats and chickens, things that I can make with my hand using our own supplies (like goat milk soap) swinging, and being with my children than I would ever get on all the fanciest vacations in the world with all the fanciest clothes money can buy.
Sometimes living close to the earth and her bounty can bring great enjoyment. And eating the food from your own garden and frying up the eggs in the morning from your own chickens, and using the milk you milked with your own hands, can bring an incredible peace and joy. One that I can't understand wholly but that completes that sower/gatherer nature that we were given thousands of years ago. It brings about a certain contentment that fills some sort of primeval urge buried deep within us. Those of you who do this know what I mean.
So we really can live happy, simple lives. I can without a doubt say that I am completely happy with my life. I wouldn't change one thing about it. If it is my lot in life to be poor I am happy with that lot. I have a very hard working husband who is even today working in the snow and cold roofing a house. I have 5 healthy beautiful kids who I love more than air and I wouldn't change a thing about them. I have a warm cozy house that my husband has fixed up. I have fresh home grown food and all the things I could ever need or want (although I could use some more goats)
We have so much to be thankful for in every way. I look at people in loveless marriages and I wonder how it would be to not be in love anymore with the person you spend all day and night with. I look at mothers who are sitting by hospital beds fighting for their kids last breath. I look at mothers who are raising their kids all alone while their husband fights in wars in other countries for our freedom and independence. I look at frail old people living the last years of their life in a shriveled up body in a nursing home where they have been put to pasture. They once lived our lives, they were once vibrant and full of life and planted their own gardens. They have beautiful amazing stories to tell but with no one to listen. They have nothing left but their memories. I look at dads working in the oil fields in harsh conditions and living in man camps far from the warmth of their wifes bed so they can send money home to their families. I look at the widows who's partners were taken from them. Just like that they lose their best friend, their lover and their world. I look at parents burying children. I can't imagine the pain. I look at people burying their parents and surviving in a world where they can no longer call mom or dad at anytime for advice or some love. I look at the little children who have no one to love them, no one to tuck them in a night and kiss them, no one to hold them and tell them its going to be okay. I wish I could take them all and love them all. I look at children who's parents abuse them. I look at all the children who didn't have the idyllic childhood like I did through no fault of their own. Everyone deserves lots of love in their childhood. Thats all it takes to make it a good one. I look at so many many people in experiences no one should ever have to go through and I think to myself, Heather you have no idea how lucky you really really are. And I am. I am beyond lucky. If all I have to worry about is how to scrape a living, at a least its a living worth scraping.
Nothing can beat love and togetherness. Nothing. Rye has mentioned before, when he lived on the road working and home was hotels and he had lots and lots of money, how it was such a sad, lonely, life that he wouldn't have put up with it for too much longer. He is much much poorer now (thanks to me) but much happier. He says he wouldn't trade these days for those for anything. Love really does make the world go around. Life really is the small simple moments that make up our days. A simple touch form a hard working man, a simple home prepared meal together at the end of a day, the simple good exhaustion one feels after a long good day of work, the smell of fresh bread and honey butter when you get home from school, the birth of a tiny little goat, the sound of a bird in the spring singing its heart out, the smell of lilacs in the garden while I'm swinging, the hug from a grubby chubby little baby. These are examples of the moments that make up my life and complete me. Find those moments in your life and embrace them and love them. We can't ever get them back. And one day we too will be sitting in a nursing home with all those memories and stories and no one to listen to them anymore. So lets grab them while we can and lets take time to listen to old people. They are a wealth of stories and wisdom and they lived in a land before technology and so their lives weren't spent in front of a device or a xbox. They really lived.
We don't have to have a farm, or vacations, or money, or nice houses and things to provide a good childhood for our children. All they need is love. And togetherness. And our time. And the comfort of parents that love each other and respect each other. And a swing. Thats all.
I wrote the last half of this post with a boy on my lap because he said he needed "snuggle time" at first I got frustrated, its hard to type, but then I realized i have very limited days left where I will have a boy on my lap while typing. I better stinkin enjoy it while I can. In a very short time this boy will be gone scraping together his own life. So theres a few typos. Deal with it.
Heres some pictures of Brumby and I back in the day.
