I think most of my fear of flying has to do with control. I hate not only not being in control but also that I can't SEE who's in control. If I was sitting up there with the pilots and they were telling me how normal everything was and I could see their responses to everything, I know it would be a whole different story. In my mind they are up there frantically grappling with the controls and sweating like pigs with terror written all over them. This is also why I hate riding on the back of 4 wheelers, motorcycles and other modes of transportation unless I really really trust the person involved. (not Rye) Rye has the unfortunate tendency to roll an ATV EVERY single time he's on one. This is actually no joke. I think his center of gravity is off or something. In fact I would venture to say that no one should ever ride with him and this is also why my dad has never really let Rye ride his nice motorcycle, EVEN though he lets his other son in law. I think if Rye had feelings he might have been hurt but when I explained his track record to him, he finally got it and decided not to take it personal.
Its the same with riding horse. In my youth I had countless number of people hop up onto the back of my horse with me and it was no problem. I was in control of the horse. And all you other horse riders know that you can read and feel your horse. Their ears, the swishing tail, the tossing head, even the eye roll and pressure on the bit all tell you how your horse is responding to the situation. And you know your horse and his responses and his 'tells' so you are prepared for all potential scenarios. The only exclusion to this is when they are startled. Growing up in ND in the county with the largest pheasant population in the world meant that often when we were riding a bird would fly up under my horses feet and scare the pants off both of us. There was no signals for this and I ended up on my butt many a time from this. I remember one time I was riding with a friend of mine and forgot I was on a green broke horse and I took my cowboy hat off to wipe my sweaty brow and just that movement of the hat in my horses peripheral vision sent him into such a state of panic that he bucked me off and I was instantly knocked unconscious. My buddy ran hell bent for leather all the way back to our place, grabbed a pickup and came back to get me. By that time I was sitting in the middle of a large reserve in Indian Creek with absolutely no idea how I got there, where I was or what I was doing.
So I HATED getting on the back of a horse when someone else was riding. I didn't care if it was my horse or not, I did not have the reins, the control or even any idea if the person if front of me knew what they were doing. Like my oldest brother. He enjoyed when a horse would act up and Im sure he would have enjoyed it even more if I was on the back of that horse. I will admit to bing a bit sadistic myself when it came to horses. I set our new city boy hired hand up on the top of the wildest, most green broke horse we had (I assured him it was the tamest) and told him to give her a good kick. In my defense he rubbed me the wrong way with all his hair gel and abercrombie (we had no idea what that was) clothes and bulging muscles. He had the ride of a lifetime and when he disappeared over the hill on a horse who was running all out, completely out of control, I finally had a terrible horrible feeling of guilt. I wasn't sure if I should admit to my dad what I had done and have him go find him or if I should hope for the best. While I was debating this and getting more scared by the minute (likely from the thrashing I was bound to get it if I admitted it) this city boy came galloping back over the hill on a very sweaty horse and a very confident look on his face. He was riding like a sack of potatoes and had even abandoned the stirrups, but by gum he won that little match and he must have raised himself a whole lot in my estimation because he ended up being my first REAl boyfriend, the first man I kissed and one day I even found myself engaged to him. (no it wasn't Rye and thats another story) So I found that when I was in control of the horse or the bike, I was a whole lot happier. I rode on the back of a honda farm bike with my brother many a time when we were going WAY to fast and WAY out of control and I learned the hard way that I hated that feeling. (my poor brother, all things lead back to him)
Oh my word. Even my writing has ADD. Where was I even going with all this. Control. So although I am not a control freak in most areas of my personal life, apparently I am in some and I really believe this is a significant part of my flying issues. Also, claustrophobia is a huge one and the realization that I have no way of escape gives me a very panicked feeling. When I first entered that jet and sat down after 12 years of NOT flying, it was everything I could do to not run screaming down the aisle and beg them to open that door and let me out. A psychologist could probably have a field day with me, but like I said, I did some research and found that I am, in fact, normal. I learned that over 1/3 of the population has a fear of flying.
So Rye has managed to get me to the airport and I will back up and say that sunday was completely ruined because I fretted and stewed the whole day and had the nervous pees so bad that we needed to be within about 3 feet of a bathroom at all times. I haven't looked that up to see if nervous pees are a 'thing' but I am hoping so because it is a ridiculous waste of time and energy when you have them and I sincerely hope others have to share the same misery. He had managed to talk me out of hitch hiking, he made me realize that a bus was silly and he made me realize that I really had no choice in the matter. Plus since I harped on all year about conquering fear, I decided I really needed to conquer this one as it had passed up all my other fears in a very real significant way in the space of one weekend.
So we get through the security point like frequent fliers and we raised no red flags at all. (Well except for the fact that I had to leave the line and irritate everyone about 3 times to use the bathroom and get 3 trickles of pee out.) So we are sitting in front of our gate and we have a full house once again. Every seat is full and there must have been almost a couple hundred people waiting to get on that plane. Which means that if 1/3rd of the population is afraid of flying, there should be about 66 (don’t worry, I called Rye for the math) people that should be scared stiff along with me. Nope. Not a one. They are all either sleeping off their numerous Vegas hang overs or casually visiting. I maybe should have tried having a hang over, this might have helped.
So our flight is delayed once again, and I am getting so nervous that I might as well just camp out on the toilet at this point. Rye is getting so used to my pacing, bouncing up to use the bathroom, hiccuping, irrationalness, hyperventilating and random tangents of unintelligible conversation that he has started tuning me out and is just reading a book on his phone. And then lo and behold the pilot and all the attendants walk past us. They go into this roped off area behind the checkout desk where I can no longer see them. But I felt like I hit the jackpot because here was my actual pilot! I had been sitting there looking at our plane and I was very concerned because I noticed our tail fin (if thats the right word) didnt just go straight up and down like every single other plane as far as I could see, but it had its own little set of miniature wings spreading out from either side of it. Was this what made it so bumpy? Why did our plane have this and no others? I was also concerned because we had heard a passenger on our airport shuttle tell another passenger that allegiant airplanes dont really crash they just break and fall apart when they land. I KNEW it.
But anyway, here comes our 2 pilots. I was elated, this was my chance to meet my pilot. Apparently this is not like meet the mascot, not very many people go out of their way to meet the pilot. But I’m not many people and I most assuredly and not going to worry about social conventions when my life is hanging in the balance. So I sneak around the barrier and go up to a nice looking man about 10 or so years older than me and ask him if he's the man who will be in charge of this plane. He gives me a very long, quizzical glance and then answers that yes he is. And then I give this poor poor man probably the longest 20 minutes of his life. I MORE than opened up about my fear of flying and I asked him about 250 questions that ranged from why our tail fin was different, to what the weather was like in Montana,(he had no idea until he got on the plane) how many years hes been flying (17) how many crashes allegiant has had(none), why landings were so horrible, why some pilots talk more on the intercom than others, why the cockpit windows are so small, what causes turbulence, why we fly at 31,000 feet when it seems much safer at 12,000, why they de ice, how safe it is to fly in snowstorms, why the lights flicker, why the engine sounds different at different times, and a myraid of other random questions. Looking back I feel like I must have come across like some little 4 year old boy discovering planes for the first time and wondering how everything works.
But although he was a little trepidatious at first, he ended up being one of the nicest people Ive ever met. He patiently and meticulously answered every single one of my questions and even offered to give me a complete tour of the cockpit when I got on board. I told him that would not help, and then he told me he would do everything in his power to make sure this was the best flight I’ve ever had. And by golly, he did. He assured me he would personally give the whole plane an inspection and as I watched him from the airport window he walked around every single bit of the plane, looking at the wings, opening and closing all the doors, inspecting that tail wing that was worrying me so bad and then giving me a thumbs up.
When we were ready to take off, he told us via the intercom to relax, take a deep breath (he told he beforehand he would talk to me personally via the intercom) and then he went over all the weather expected on the flight. He also had informed the flight attendants to keep checking on me because they kept coming and asking if I was all right and if I needed anything (my seat mates eventually started giving me worried looks, they must have really been wondering what was going on) and if I was doing okay. I am happy to say they were able to report back to him every time that I was. He checked in with us more than normal and due to luck in the weather and my most amazing pilot ever, it was the smoothest and most uneventful flight of my entire life. There was a few bumps in the air, but the landing was so smooth and amazing that it was like we weren't even landing. Not only that,he came out after we landed and personally talked to me, he told me that he thought of me the entire trip and cringed every time we hit even a little bump. He told me he used every trick up his sleeve to make it smoother, from taking more time ascending and descending, to whatever else a pilot of 17 years knows. He gave me five, clasped my hand and told me that he really really hoped that he had renewed my faith in flying again. And you know what, he did. He also renewed my faith in mankind again. Not that it was ever gone, but I had seen quite a bit of humans at their worst in Vegas. I will never forget him and his kindness towards this middle aged, whacked out mother who he could NOT believe hadn't flown in 12 years.
Speaking of the beauty of people, yesterday I was shopping in the dollar section at Target with my kids. I didnt feel I was cranky but I certainly didn't feel like I was overly happy, I mean I was shopping with 4 kids after all. After several minutes a older man comes up to me and puts his arm on me and tells me that him and his wife had been watching me for while now and were so impressed with what a good, happy mother I was and how respectful my children were that they wanted to give me $20 to go treat myself and my kids to something special. He then gave me a hug and walked away. I was moved to tears and appreciated it more than he will ever know. First off because I RARELY feel like a good mother, I had no idea anyone was watching me, and i had no idea how he knew we were poor. $20 is a big deal to us, a very big deal. Maybe because I was telling my kids no to every single thing there, or maybe because I didnt have my designer ;-) jeans on that day, but regardless it was so appreciated in every way. People amaze me every day and in every way. I want to be more like him.
Anyway sorry to get off track again. I highly recommend to anyone who has a fear of flying to talk to your pilot. They are people too and respond to fears and weakness like anyone else would. He answered so many of my concerns and I believed him because he was the professional after all. And above all, I trusted him. I was totally content to put my life in his hands after meeting and talking with him. I inherited my fear of flying from my mother and I would like to tell her to also try this. It really really helped. I also think it would really help to fly by private jet where you have lots of room and snacks and TV (i am easily distracted) and a pilot you know and can talk to. I informed Rye that I will continue to fly with him if we can go via private jet. So its time to wrap up this story about Vegas. Who would have ever though someone could write so much nonsense about a simple trip to Vegas. What can I say, I just dont get out much. In fact, thats the first lesson we learned.
- Heather needs to get out more. Way more.
- Heather overcame her biggest fear by approaching it head on and by doing whatever it took to resolve it. Which meant meeting the pilot.
- This means Heather fulfilled one of her News Year resolutions. This is a first.
- Vegas has something for everyone and is NOT just for the partiers.
- My husband is amazing and patient
- I would really like to talk my husband into getting a massage. It would be very funny.
- I really need to use parentheses, commas, capital letters, adjectives and euphemisms a lot less. In fact I need an editor.
- i should never be allowed to go to Vegas without Rye as I would spend every cent of money I owned on really really dumb stuff.
- i should always always fly during the day. it majorly helps to be able to see out the window.
- I should always sit by the exit door in a plane so I can have a quick escape.
- rye should tether me so i dont make a fool out of myself in front of the flight crew ever again.
- Experiment with drugs. To find something that actually relaxes me. This will be a pain as even tylenol PM makes me bounce off the walls for 3 days with no sleep.
- Dale I wish I could give you a pizza hut reader certificate for this being the first book you've ever read. you deserve it.
- I’m tired of writing now. in fact I'm not even gonna proof read this post. Sorry.
